I received the following as an email

>Subject: Fw: : Written by a Canadian Mom
>
>
>One of my sons serves in the army. He is still here in
>Canada.
>He called  me yesterday to let me know how warm and welcoming people were
>to him, and his fellow soldiers, everywhere he goes, telling me how people
>shake their
>hands, and thank them for being willing to serve, and fight, for not only
>our own freedoms but so that others may have them also.
>
>But he also told me about an incident in the grocers' shop
>he stopped at yesterday, on his way home from the quarters. He said that
>ahead of several people in front of him stood a woman dressed in a burkha.
>He said when
>she got to the checkout she loudly remarked about  the Canadian Flag
>lapel badge the cashier wore on her blouse. The cashier reached up and
>touched the
>badge, and said proudly," Yes, I always wear it and probably always
>will."
>The woman in the burkha then asked the cashier when she was going to
>stop bombing her countrymen, explaining that she was an Afghani.
>A gentleman standing behind my son stepped forward, putting his arm
>around my son's shoulders, and nodding towards my son, said in a calm and
>gentle  voice to the Afghani woman. "Lady, hundreds of thousands of
>men and women like this young man have fought and died so that YOU could
>stand here, in MY country and accuse a check-out cashier of bombing  YOUR
>countrymen. It
>is  my belief that had you been this outspoken in YOUR own country, we
>wouldn't  need to be there today. But, hey, if you have now learned how to
>speak out so loudly and clearly, I'll gladly buy you a ticket and pay
>your way back to Afghanistan so you can straighten out the mess in YOUR
>country that you are obviously here, in MY, country to avoid."
>
>Everyone within hearing distance cheered!IF YOU
>AGREE -------
>Pass this on to all your proud friends----- I most certainly did!



Perhaps is WE thought less in terms of Them vs. Us, we would be
able to focus on better solutions than blowing each other up.
But then we wouldn't get that great smugness that comes from knowing you
live a better life than those backward heathens.

Iraq and Afghanistan

I try to avoid talking on this over-done subject as much as possible, but I had a conversation a little while ago I thought was pertinent to relate.
It was mentioned that George W. Bush has gone into Iraq without a valid exit strategy. He cannot pull out now, for risk of looking uncommitted, but staying is costing soldier's lives and money.
What can he do?
Well, although this may seem reminiscent of England invasion of Scotland so many centuries ago, why not simply ask for soldiers who would be interested in permanent duty over there? We wouldn't be abandoning the country, but it would ensure that the people that are there, are there with the intent to build a good, strong, country. Which is our goal, right? There are undoubtedly people out there that are in love with the culture and nation, so let them stay there, give them land, make sure they keep their jobs as American Soldiers, to maintain a visual deterrence, and thus decrease the amount of active forces over there.

Doom.

My whole fricken computor. Wiped.
I'm so lost.
All my golramm music. About 7,000 songs. Gone.
All my golramm pictures. Including ones from Mexico. Gone.
All my golramm homework. Including one still yet to be handed in. Gone.

I'm so lost. It's like I loved someone, and now they have amnesia, and all our memories, all our time together is lost. They don't even know who I am. I can go through the other pictures, try to make them remember, but it's not the same. I feel so adrift.
I'm such a loser.

Fuzzy Logic

I've decided that I dislike vague things.
Of all things I abhor most, "possible" is the highest.
I dislike "alternate endings" in movies, books, comics, and especially my own life. I don't EVER want to know what "might have been" or "could have if I had X, Y, or Z'd".
I think most of this is due to my incredible guilt factor, and the obscenly high regret ability I posses.
I dislike things that are not clearly defined, or do not fit into a category. I like things that fit into more than one category, as long as fitting in one does not lower their ability to fit in another.
I wonder if this is something I should change?

Nothing much

This blog post is best read to "Fill me in" by Craig Daivd
I've been in a strange mood lately. Like sex and warm candy, with cold stars in it.
I feel like violence, and hurting people, but also like being very nice, and sweet.

This is probably all due to the "week" I'm currently in, but I'm also trying desperatly to find who I really am, and what I really want to do with the rest of my life. I'd like to be in the military, but as what, I'm not sure. I would like to have some effect on the world, in a larger intellectual capacity, but how? I don't think Graduate school would be a sensible idea at this point, since I find it difficult to take university seriously, and Grad school is fairly intensive. Also, if I discover I don't want to do anything with Psychology, it will be a fabulous waste of money.

So far, with my current mood, it appears I am best suited for a career as a serial rapist...
Perhaps something in a more artistic capacity? I must confess, the only reason I didn't go to Fine Arts at Grant MacEwan is because my sister had done it previously, but somehow, the thought of learning to make art makes me weep. But I have a few ideas for paintings, I would love to teach dance, Few things make me as happy as writing, and I have thoughts on a couple sculptures. Perhaps a joint career in the military with Artistry as a hobby?
It's a thought.

After spending all Saturday with my sister and her rapidly-getting-bigger son, my nephew, I'm starting to become more and more sure I should never have children. Ever. I'm largly incompetant with them, and I think that I would not be able to devote the time to them that they require. but many of my friends believe that I would be a fabulous mother.

I just would like time to stop so I can take a serious look around, and decide a few things.

There's also a frustrating situation developing with my emotions and a person. I won't detail it, since no-one really cares. (Well, that's untrue, but the people who do care are already briefed.) But, suffice to say, it's causing a few sleepless nights, and more than a few daydreams, and even more serious self-evaluations. Why must people be so confusing? Worse, why must my expectations, and thoughts about people be so confusing? There should be a place, like Babelfish, where you can insert conversations and it would spit out what everyone is really saying, and how everyone really feels. None of this guessing crap. Just straight out; A, B, C.

Anyway, that's that, this is this, and everything will develop.
I don't want this to be construed as whining, because I am fascinated with this whole life I have, but it does bear thought, and require some attention.

Whimsy

I wish everything could stay exactly like it is now. I'm almost graduated, in a good house that I own, Surrounded by good, close friends, waiting for a job review, learning, and generally just enjoying myself.
I don't know what is going to happen by this time next year. I'm worried. It's likely I won't even have contact with most of the people I see on a regular basis now; Which is good in some cases (sweet closure) but not good in most.

What if I do the wrong thing? Back in high school very little changed for me. My town stayed the same. I moved only once to the other side of town. My school never changed. My classmates never changed. I never really thought that life would ever be different. Now, Nothing will be the same this time next year.

Wallowing

If you ever feel the need to just break down and mop, really feel sorry for yourself, get into all the misery corners, just ache for your poor lost self, languish in melancholia, rip off all your scabs, poke all your wounds, bleed from your soul, and really melodrama it up, you almost certainly must put on Roxanne, the remix by Tom Waits. On the Moulin Rouge album. It is practically indispensible. Nothing says torment like that rough voice screaming, "you don't have to put on that red light, Roxanne"

Oh I'm wallowing at a champion level now...

I will happily ever your after.

After watching the movie 'Shrek' for almost the millionth time, I have come to two conclusions;
1.Dragon is really weird
2. It's indicative of our current trend in love-thought.
Love today is centered around finding the right person. Confusing in it's own right, this leads to other problems. When labels like "Mr. Right" and "soulmate" are bandied around, it is no surprise the divorce rate is what it is.
We have, in our ferver, lost two essential elements. One I have previously fondled, the other is a newer concept.
1. Putting something outside yourself.
2. Being the right person.

1. The point of this, and the reason why marriages were so successful is they had an alterior purpose; Finances, lack-of-war, blackmail, carrying on family name, or even just warmth. The point is that if the marriage stopped, this benefit stopped, and usually if you married, It was for something bigger. (your Ace in the hole, as it were) Now, we just marry for love. A barely tangible, inexpressible, requirement. No wonder so many fail. When the swirly gut feeling of infatuation fades, we are left with only higher bills, and an annoying person who won't go away.

2. What if Love succeeding, and conversly marriage, was based on simply having the intestinal fortitude to stick with it? Some traits pass over all perosnality types, correct? So there should not be anyone who is incapable of making a marriage work just by not giving up. this is somewhat shown by the fact that if a person has a 2nd divorce, they are way more likely to have a 3rd, 4th or 5th, than a person who has only been married once is to have a 2nd divorce. The problem is the type of thinking you get trapped in. "OH, they weren't right." In our day and age of customization, and options, we've decided that we never need to settle; but people are not like cars or computors, we are constantly changing, the only thing that will stay constant is your determination to stay together.

But then again, what do I know?

Sadness

Sometimes I feel so broken inside my head.
With no way to express it.
Well, no healthy, acceptable way to express it.
Why must I be so fricken...weird?

New Music

Anyone bored and need some new types of tunes to listen to?
In ascending order of harshness (1 being mellow sleepy music, 10 being ear-raping with a gravel covered dildo, not even kidding, but it's soooo goood)

1. Bruce Cockburn- My lady and my lord from "Sunwheel Dance"
1. Moby- The Sky is Broken from "Play"
2. Maria Dunn- Take it Easy on Me from "For a Song"
3. Sarah Harmer- Lodestar or Open Window from "You were here"
4.. Emm Gryner- Siamese Star from "Asianblue"
5. Emm Gryner- Stereochrome from "Science Fair"
5. Dar Williams- The Ocean from "Mortal City"
6. Sarah Slean- California, Vertigo, or Day One from "Day One"
8. Dresdon Dolls- I am a Girl Anachronism from "The Dresdon Dolls"
9. Dresdon Dolls- Half-Jack from "The Dresdon Dolls"
10. Tom Waits- Hoist that rag or Don't go into that barn from "Real Gone"
10. Tom Waits- Singapore or Big Black Mariah from "Rain Dogs"

Stereotypes

Well, this post has been in the making for a while now, so I am hoping to provide a higher level of quality than my usual frothy-mouthed drooling rant sprees.

Stereotypes. They get up people's noses. Why?
What I have noticed about stereotypes is that they typically are born out of a fact, they are of an objective nature. It may later turn out that the fact is false, but it is a fact that spurs the creation of one. Object based stereotypes are never worth anything, so I will focus my discussion on stereotypes that assign a particular attribute to a group of people. Why are people insulted by them? Whether they are correct or incorrect, people typically take offense because the stereotype points out a type of scale, a continuum that people judge themselves on. If they fall into the stereotype, people feel offended because it seems like the stereotyper has control over them (to control you first must understand) or in some cases does have control over, in the case of institutionalized discrimination, which I cannot condone. If they are on the negative side, they have pushed themselves so far to the opposite that it is insulting to be mistaken for a positive. Either way, it forces the person to evaluate themselves by the terms set out by the stereotyper, even though that may not be an aspect the person cares about in themselves. The important thing to remember about stereotypes is that two types of knowledge are imparted
1. Knowledge about the stereotyped.
2. Knowledge about the stereotyper.
Within the genre of stereotypes a person indulges in, we may uncover a truth about them, whether is it true of the stereotyped or not. If a person decides that another race is "less smart" it is obviously the case that they consider themselves to be "more smart". This may not mean much, but can become more revealing with more telling stereotypes. For the purposes of refuting a stereotype, this is the more effective method, as the original 'fact' that the stereotype was based on may be lost to antiquity. It is in this way that we discover the nature of stereotypes. they are put forth as objective analysis, but they can only be known as a subjective assement. Thus, one may not attack the stereotype itself, but must attack the stereotyper to be properly effective.
However, this being said, I wonder why stereotypes have the negative stigma they do? As a female, I encounter few stereotypes, thank you Suffragettes!, but I have found that when they do, one of two things will occur:
1. I will correct the stereotyper, and continue on my merry way.
2. I will appreciate the stereotype.
What? Appreciate? Yes, I know, bizzare, but bear with me. A popular stereotype is that women are more fragile than men because we cannot build muscle mass. If it is a smaller task, I will ignore the stereotyper and do it myself. However, if it something I cannot do, I appreciate the help from the person who is aware such a condition may exist in realtion to me. It is just like knowing a person's personality. We know the 'personality' of a culture, race, ethnicity, etc. From knowing this, it is easier to cater to the groups needs, wants, likes, or dislikes. It is only in the expecting, and the refusal to change my belief about a group, that stereotypes becomes a problem. In essence, it is when people forget the subjective nature of a stereotype, and attempt to treat it as an objective truth.
There you have it.
I'm tired now and going to bed. Hopeful, the next post will be on modern day love, both the finding and the nature thereof.

Whatever the Weather

I thought I'd make post 60 a peaceful one.
Snow. What a great idea. An essential commodity floating to the ground in a pleasing, silent array. There's something about it's soothing nature, gentle white color, and completely lack of discrimination that has always made me happy. In a little giddy child fashion. It makes me think of Christmas with my family, and late night light-watching car trips. I pulled my bed out to the living room, which is pretty devoid of anything, and just fell asleep watching the snow. It seems like such a miracle, every time I see it. That nature still runs; in it's timeless efficancy.I think, if I could choose, I would like to freeze to death while watching the snow fall. As morbid as that is, it would be wonderful. Just falling asleep with the snow gently laying witness, covering you, bringing you back to God.
On a completly unrelated note, I saw the preview for a movie called "300" and it looks completly fantastic. Elephants and men kicking the shit out of each other. If there is Geisha, I may go into happy seizures.

Yes God!

I'm a veritable dynamo of linguistic cunning! A force of nature mother has yet to divulge from her earthy womb! I'm alite, afire, and crackling with the wordy energy of the truly possesed! I'm a mad women reborn with a pen and a penis! The sweet heady tang of justice and Karma was something I had not supped for too long. But now, oh sublime zest! Oh beatific angel of "I told you so". I spill my cathartic sanguinity, such close divinity, onto whitish screen.Oh, I'm feign with nervous energy! I may soon perish, but know this; The height, the zenith of my rapture, is now.

This just in: Mother nature takes a backseat to science

On another note, the Gov't has approved a pill that would push your period back to once every three years. I have two problems with this;
1. Your period may not solve any reproductive articles, as the page points out, but I 'm pretty sure having the same nasty blood sitting in your womb for 3 years is not a good thing. There is a reason your body flushes that blood out. You don't stop trying to shit, do you? Hell no. I've heard, from my doctor, though I cannot confirm or deny, that your body flushes it out to prevent uterine cancer (i.e. you don't bleed on the pill to "psychologically adjust" that's a crock of shit if nothing else). In the words of my old Biology professer, Don't Fuck with Mother Nature!

2. Why does everybody hate PMS? Ladies, is it really that bad? I rather enjoy mine. It's a chance to kick my feet up, relax, get out all the crying I've been penning up. It connects me to the female race, You know? Reminds me of my mortality. Lets me know I'm not pregnant. I'm on pills, but I don't think I could ever get rid of it entirely. Every month I'm reminded of women's incredible ability to make a tiny human inside our bodies. Isn't that a miracle? Is one week of discomfort not worth that wonder and awe? I don't want to say that this is because we no longer hold motherhood sacred, but I do feel we handle the extrodinary with less reverence.
I don't know why this is.

Vegemite

Thank heavens I don't live in the United States.

Vegemite is banned there.
Vegemite. For the unlearned masses Vegemite is a peanut butter kinda substance, quite salty, that Australians traditionally have on bread. It seems to be a kinda of cultural point, because I don't think I could choke it down, but they love it. Anyway, The U.S. has banned it because it contains Folate, something they only want to see added to bread or cereal.
Dude, Vegemite could practically be bread. I wonder if they could sell it under the label "bread".

when I think about possible reasons for this, the only one I can conjure is that this is another instance of hand-holding. Trying to ensure Americans don't have to read what they eat, or try to eat healthy. Which doesn't really explain why McDonalds doesn't have to post warnings on their burgers "Should not be eaten more than once a week".

I think we should all ask why the U.S. is trying to cheese off Australians so much...
they don't have weapons of mass destruction do they?
Australia is a strategically located land mass...If you're trying to take over China...

Death.

I've often heard in arguments, and now feel the need to wax poetic upon the theory that being insensitive about death somehow demeans human life.
I'm not going to talk too long, save to say this; Without death, life would have NO meaning. It is in the fact that life ends that it has value. How could our reactions to death cause that worth to be taken away? It can't, really. Simply because one person sniffles a little, and another starts a webring shrine to a lost loved one doesn't mean either value life more or less. Our value on life is not shown through our reaction to it's end (although it is a typically good indicator that someone who does not care that life ends is probably less "maximizing the greater good in a life" driven) our value on life is demonstrated by how we live our own. We can have influence, but not control over how another's life is led. (even in those scenarios where kidnapping and such occurs. Attitude is such a large part of our view of life that even conplete control over a person's body does not ensure ocntrol over mind, or soul) Therefore, in your view of your life through your goals, or lack thereof, and impression on the fullness of your own life is the true indicator of how you value all life.

From this then, it is logical that people who weep more would be more inclined to notice the lack in their own life from the loss of a loved one, and thus, are weeping for the value lost in their own life. (let's be fair, you cannot grieve FOR someone else, only ABOUT...) and ones who are less inclined to weep would be less sensitive to the loss of life value. But we cannot make such judgements about every person. (this will tie nicely into my stereotype rant...coming soon!)
Everyone grieves in their own way, but lets abandon this shoddy argument tactic.
Thank you.

This just in: AA supports LSD

Let me summarize this for you, early in the morning; LSD makes you have hallucinations that cause you to believe in God. Therefore it is easier to quit drinking because Alcoholics Anonymous place step 2 of a 12 step program is "Believe there is a high power at work".
... And LSD is good for this?
Put something outside your body, people. That's what you need. If it's other people who care about you (you also need to acknowledge this care) or a God that does, or hell, if you firmly believe that your b aseball team will lose if you aren't healthy. Who gives a crap what. If you live for something other than yourself, you'll put more value on your life.
Not that tough.
But, um...Can I try some LSD anyway? :)

Guns

In light of the recent tragedies of Pennsylvania, Colorado, and Montreal, I feel the need to speculate on what we as a people can do to curb these disgusting attacks.
Many cry for gun control. The problem is that is isn't. Control, I mean. In Montreal, at least, the guns were all legal, and registered. It didn't save anyone, did it. Although I believe gun registration will help police solve previously un-solved crimes, in being able to compare bullets to guns to owners, however, this should be a back-up plan; not the entirity of our massacre prevention methods. Even if we take away everyone's guns, people will find other way to do this. Explosives, knives, heavy blunt objects. It's just conveniant to do it with a gun.
The problem that we are ignoring when we cry for gun control is the desire. We need to examine why people decide to do this in the first place. What is it that causes a married father of three to line up and systematically shoot innocent young girls? Pennsylvania is a perfect example of why "who" is being shot does not matter. The killer didn't care who he shot, just so long as he shot some young girls.
Personally, I would like to run to the idea that it must be a mental unbalance, a chemical disorder. I find it hard to believe that everyday life could conpell someone to these extremes. Not when the aggression is so varied, and so un-specific. These people, these maniacs, are just angry. Does anger really come from fear, as Yoda suggests? Fear of what? Although young girls can be somewhat tormenting at times, I doubt they would provoke the kind of fear required for this. Is it possible that there is a tumor in the amygdala of every one of these killers? Unlikely, but not impossible.
What are we turning into?

Happy Boys and Happy Girls

With the most sly-ly driven nail finally pounded into the coffin of feminism, we have no other choice but to begin driving the big obvious "right-the-fuck-here" nails.
In a recent ruling , women have been accepted into the men's hockey league. Go us, right? However, in a backstabbing of macabre proportions, Men are not allowed into the women's league. What the hell?
The "Boy" was apparantly dropped from "boy scouts", and girls were allowed in. However, boys are not allowed in girl guides.
Women-Why are we tolerating this? A noted female politician stated that "Girls groups need to be protected." Screw you! I'm not accepting this molly-coddling bullshit unless the men gotta eat it too! Why is feminism gleefully driving down the wrong side of the road? Either it's a one-way street or it ain't! I had heard people say that feminism was more concerned with being better than men, and I defended it. "No it isn't!" I would say, "No-one would be that ridiculous!" Well, damnit. Thank's for getting my back, girls! This is a giant leap back, under the guise of being a step forward. It used to be we were fighting the institutional sexism. The diagnoses of "hysteria" or "frigidity"; fighting the belief that women were too weak-willed to vote, or own a house, or work. Women fought that. Suffragettes rallied, and protested, and some even died. And for what? So we could muck up their golden dream.
Damnit. You know what? If more of this shit goes on, maybe we should lose the vote...

51

Oh boy I've gota big rage-fuelled hard-on of a rant that's been itchin to see the light of day for a while now. It's a brand-new baby peeve! Break out the cigars!

Married Men.
Good grief! I have earlier rants about them, in the form of, "Good grief stop hitting on me you horrible little woman-appendage!"
I now have one which perfectly mirrors and opposes this former rant.
When every time you say something a little racy (I'm pretty casual about sex) they bring up the holy ring, and hide behind their sacred monogamy. I think it's pretty arrogant of these married men to assume that since I've made a joke, I desperatly want into their pants. Guys, unless a woman has whipped out the line, "so, is your wife away on buisness, or should we go to my place?" they are just being friendly!! Chillax! Most women do not cat around, just waiting for a faithful, honorable man to miss screaming "Married! Love my wife! Lots of sex with her!" once, so she can pounce. Hell, even I of the lower-morals-than-a-psychopath breed, have never even kissed a man who was attached to someone else. I hate being in a great conversation with someone, and have them drop the W-bomb. It kills all interaction because I have yet to meet a man who can do it with dignity. Me: "Yah, My courses are riveting! That experiment in 237 was amazing!" Him: "Yah, my wife...pause...is in Vancouver." *Awkward moment as I realize he thought I was coming on to him* Maybe I exaggerate a touch, but it's almost that bad sometimes. The contortionist lengths some men will go to to bring up their wives.
So guys, ease up. Learn to laugh at jokes. You can't accidentaly cheat on your wife. The only people who cheat are those who want to.

That's useful information for women too. If he cheats, it's because he wanted to.

Wen the Eternaly Surprised

In the space of a fraction of a second, the world is changing. While I type these letters someone dies, is born, changes jobs, loves, minds, choices. In this chaotic whirlpool of random chance and order, lies a million little stories, all that have untold effect on one single moment, upon which your world may turn. or it may not.
The world is constantly being re-created. Constantly new.
The only proper approach to this world is by being eternally surprised. Constantly astounded by the very fact that your heart remembered to beat yet again.
In this tiny moment, you must find bliss, and joy, trusting that in the next second the world will be new and fresh again, and you can find bliss in that too.
Tiny bumper particles that change the world.
Seconds.
The world is built on seconds.

Family Update

My sister, on Aug 10th, produced a baby. His name is Stephen D'mitri, and he's so cute.

Ma-wage

Mawage is what bwings uff togefa, today.
Thinking on it, I'm not really sure why we still have it. A radio contest in my city has challenged men to marry another man for three weeks to win a chance to win $30,000. No typo there. Win a CHANCE to win $30,000. With this mockery of a marriage floating around, what could marriage ever really mean again? It started as a form of currency, a baby breeding tactic, turned into a way to make people respectable while still having sex, become an expression of true love, then an expression of one's mental stability, and now really means nothing. People marry for all kinds of stupid reasons now. I'm starting to wonder if perhaps love might not be better served by simply staying together. Choosing to love each other, and come home to each other, every day. Repeating your vows day after day. Because, why would anyone's love matter to anyone other than who is in love? With swingers, and cheaters, and divorces, marriage doesn't mean anything. But, why should it? It did start as a form of currency. It had it's moment in the sun as an expression of true love, but now is the time to put such childish notions away.

Life

While I still have yet to uncover the meaning of life (so close, tho I' sure) I have discovered that the best way to live it is to make yourself happy at the moment. There is never going to be a point in your life where you fulfill what you want, and suddenly you're happy for the rest of your life. You have to simply decide that everything is okay. This doesn't mean stop furthering yourself, but love what you have now.
In the wake of the Montreal shooting tragedy, I think it is really important to be happy with ourselves in all things, and to learn that attitude really does decide everything. Studies have found (oh I hate that vauge expression, but i'll find my sources I hope) that Millionaires rated their happiness at the same level that Mongolian (I think Mongolian) sheepherders did. This means it doesn't matter what you have, where you are, or what. If nothing is activly making you unhappy, you should be able to make yourself content. I think we also really need to teach our kids that mental disorders are not necessarily a problem, but simply a fact of one's personality. If you are determined, you and your brain will work to cope with the problem. I am really fascinated with the ability of the human body to adapt and overcome.
Have faith.

Update

Despite the previous car accident, I remained undaunted, and set about the world to obtain another car. It was beautiful. A red Dodge Neon, standard. Oh the thrill of shifting gears while listening to my CD player (!), was an ambrosia I had not yet supped. We, my boyfriend, a mutual friend of ours and myself, took it to London Ontario to visit their family.
We rolled it.
Halfway between some town called Ignace, and some town called Dryden. We were shufted to the hospital in Dryden, while the car was towed to Ignace. We had only minor injuries, but the car is totalled. As we speak, it is stuffed in some parking lot in Ignace, awaiting the information as to whether it will rise again or not.
I feel guilty about abandoning it.
It was a good car.
I now bike everywhere I go.
I can't trust drivers anymore.

I think it is beneficial for people to give up their cars, for the environment and such, but I still whine when I think about the loss of luxury.

Questions

Where are we going?
what are we headed for?
There is a truly staggering number of people on this planet, but can o ur resources handle us?
Like Ralph Klein, will we suddenly discover that we have no plan for such growth?
Where is our accountability?
Who can we trust?
Which companies factor in environmental cost?
Why do I have only questions?
What is right? or true?
Are people really being slaughtered in other countries?
Is there really starvation and diseases in other countries?
Is there any media we can trust?
Why are people so casual about trash, litter, and plastic?
Will I see a different, a better world in my lifetime?
How can I make a better world?
How can I spur a revolution?

Reserves

I hate my job so desperate, however I have my papers in, finally, And I realize it is incredible what I will stand if I don't think I have to stand it for long.

Cars

Well, last few days ago I was driving with my bf when we rear-ended another vehicle. Very little, in the grand scheme of things happened. The van drove away with nary a few scratches. My car, however, displaying a few thousands worth of cosmetic damage; the headlights missing. I was planning on getting another car anyway, so no problem there. My neck was a little sore the next day, and I've two bruises on my knees from the dash, but really, very little effect.
But it has presented me with an opportunity.
I got up early today.
I didn't work, or have to be anywhere.
But I got up at 9 o'clock.
Why didn't someone tell me at an earlier age what a heady experience this would be!? I sheer power of getting up before I needed to nearly knocked my socks off!
I made myself proper breakfast, something I haven't experienced since early January. (In retrospect, I did get up earlier than I needed to in Mexico, but I must have mistaken the power flow for excitement over getting litterally, anything I wanted to eat for free. Ah Mexico.)
I wished I had a paper delivered, I had the radio on, hot coffee.
This must be what heaven is like. Knowing that you are master of your tiny destiny. Well, barring unforeseen problems. I think, perhaps, that after something like a car accident occurs, it is essential to take back control of your life. To remind yourself, "I am an effectation being."
Well, that said, I think I'm done on this topic, so I'm going to stop writing.

Tragedy in three parts

So here I sit. Gussied, if you will pardon the expression, to the nines. And unable to get up the urge to go to a club. Perhaps I shall just Get all pretty periodically, just to be sure I can still do it. It's really sad tho. I put on my face, covered myself in sparkles, threw on some sprayed on jeans, and a tank. and now I'm going to create a new character in D2.
Well, It is the expansion, so I guess that deserves some pretty...

Post 40

Well, it's finally happneed. I've become so liberal, I'm conservative. I've gone through the Looking Glass.
I've been musing on abortion lately, because it is an issue which concerns me as a female. I mean it's not a pressing issue, but one I ought to have an opinion on.
I don't like it.
But, I would like to point out, I'm not particularily pro-life. I still identify as Pro-choice. However, the difference lies in that I don't think most women really think there is a choice. They think, "Oh my Goodness! A baby! My life is ruined!" Either they don't have the time, money, or guts to admit to their family that they are knocked up. But the thing is; our society is so messed up we have progressed to the point where motherhood, giving life, is now a thing to be ashamed of! They see a young teen with a baby and think "She didn't plan! What a slut! Now she'll live off welfare and never fulfill her true purpose in life!" But really. Why is every life so sacred now that if a person doesn't go to postsecondary or learn a trade, or better the world, their life has been wasted? Is it ever really a waste if they experience one happy moment? If you think about it; Have you ever been happy? Really, truely, deep down, never-make-this-moment-end euphoric? I have. I strive for once a month. I find it keeps you in perspective. You need to step back from this world of societal chaos, of buying and working so hard, to discover that really it doesn't matter. How you feel matters. Just make yourself happy. I'm not saying blow your savings and screw the future. Just do whatever will maximize satisfaction and happiness. If you're 14 and you're pregnant. Breathe. Really think what will make you happy.
I firmly believe that no woman would choose to simply end her child if she honestly had a choice. I think it's the external world which chooses for her. (BTW female sociopaths, I really have no answer for. but I wonder if perhaps that isn't a biological messing...not a problem per se but not natural)
I wish the world could be simple for everyone. I wish every woman who was afraid because she was pregnant, could find the courage, have her baby, and be lauded by the world for being a mother.
Maybe this is all because my biological clock has exploded and I really want a baby.
Siigh...only 7 more years. Hah.

Contentment

So my theory for life thus far has been accumulated to the point where it consists of this:
To maximize a "good" life, two requirements must be met
1. An increasing level of satisfaction. This is fulfilled by rational, reasoning goals being achieved, feeling effective, and useful. The slower the build, the longer the last, typically.
2. A high level of happiness on top of satisfaction. This is fulfilled by pure visceral sensibility. It tends to fluctuate rapidly however.

So tonight was a night that I realized just how damn happy I was. I'd succeded in planning and executing a proper meal (that didn't involve ANY kraft dinner or instant soup!) Had a wonderful actual date night, and felt generally competant.
But the true frosting came when I sat down to check my comics, and noticed my bed. I have a single day bed, but when my bf sleeps over, we put pillows side by side and make it into a little double bed, sort of. the sight of my clean hardwood floor, and the little bed just waiting for us made me feel really happy. And I realize I'm totally content now. And then I thought; Is this it? Is this all life has to offer? These moments of happiness. There must be something deeper. Something longer lasting that visceral happiness, or even deep satisfaction. Perhaps that's why I'm in philosophy. To find a wisdom that will last longer. Or produce something. Other than happiness, it must be because even happiness does not really... I don't know.
There must be more to life than happiness. Or even Satisfaction.
Ow. Brain hurts.

Pysch-Social Heuristics

I've said it, for years, and damnit. Two pieces of wisdom that will always hold true about pople:
1. People Will always act to the percieved most positive consequence.
2. If someone wants something badly enough, they will work to get it.
3. If someone wants something to be true for them, it will be. (such as fortune telling, etc.)

The tricky thing with these rules is they seem moronicly simple, but they need to stew. Seriously. Think them over on the can; which is, as far as I know, the best place EVER to think. Apply them to your life. Things become simpler after using these rules, it seems. At least bipedal dealings do.

As for Day3, it was largely unmarkable, except for being called a man. A good man, but a man nonetheless. But I didn't really examine the ice cream aisle, sooo...

As for life on the personal front, I'm having episodes with marriage. (episodes are expressions of issues) I really would like to marry my boyfriend, but he would like to wait a year, and I'm not sure why.He would like to buy a house, but damnit I don't want to live in a house I haven't helped buy. It makes me feel worthless and useless. He says also he wants to wait until I'm out of school. Why? Because homework and a married life don't mix? Sigh. I was psyched about travelling to Ontario to meet his family, but now, I'm not sure.
It seems so lame to travel across the country, and spend a vacation together, just to meet his family and be like, "This is my Girlfriend." How 12 years old can you get?
Maybe I just really want some bling...
I sometimes hate being female.
But I bought a crapload of nice lush stuff, so it's okay. I'm trying henna on my usually blackish hair, so wish me luck!
Guess I'll let it all stew. Usually works for problems, and solutions, and damnit, everything. Everything gets better with time. Or at least, more extreme.

The Epic Chronicles of Chelle the Supermarket Security Chick!

As it is written down; and shall be passed from generation to generation; My meteoric Rise In the Supermarket!
Day1: Valiently ejected drunk bum from the bathroom; The people rejoice!
Day2: Heroically saved $300 of merchandise from evil clutches; A cult following develops!
Day3: Dismantles ice cream bomb, saving hundreds; A national holiday is declared!
Day4: Mistakenly tackles undercover guard; Barred from ever entering supermarket again.
Day5: Eats Spaghetti off stomache in leiu of plate; Life returns to normal.

Seriously tho, that undercover guy looked completely suspicious. Days 1 and 2 are my 1 and 2 (cept for the cult following), but I hope Day 3 will not be that way.
On a happier note, My brother has come in top 6 in Alberta for his Parachute course, and is taking his science fair exhibit to Nationals! His topic was whether or not homosexuality was genetic or a choice. There was some controversy over whether he could bring it or not, but in the end science and curiosity won! Yah!
another fabulous Day ends.

Capoeira

sorry about the long delay in posts, I've been out.
My friend J is having a tumultuous time, and his upheaval is my upheaval.
However, I'm trying out the new dance/martial art form "capoeira" so that should make for some interesting new posts. First up the Ginga (jinga)!

Back

Here I am world!
Back from the frozen wasteland that is my hometown, and from the hot heatedness that is Mexico to curl up in my happiness that is home. Family Reunion in mexico was pretty awesome and I learned 1. Don't fuck with Tequila 2. Don't fuck with the sun 3. Pufferfish are really pathetic
Whew! Oh, yes, and a Caiparania (rum, sugar, and lime) is very good. but not when you have fishing with warm gooey fish in the next morning. That's not good for hangoverness.
Oh yes, and it's practically impossible to get a bottle of corona home without it smashing. Damnit.
Further posts as the new school year progresses!
Burgundy Away!