Saturday, November 26, 2005


I'm all set, sitting here, waiting for my friend to call, ready to go out for Medieval Christmas. And I can't move. No, serious. I'm stuffed into a corset, because it's the only remotely medieval thing I own. I've never had to be so intimately connected with my boobs before. Seriously. I have to ask them permission to breathe.
Just wanted, really, to post a few poems by the inestimable Sufi mystic, Rumi. (seriously, go look him up. he's Uber)
I have lived on the lip of insanity,
knocking on a door, wanting to know reasons.
It Opens.
I have been knocking on the inside!

Dance, when you're broken open.
Dance, if you've torn the bandage off.
Dance in the middle of the fighting.
Dance in your blood.
Dance, when you're perfectly free.

I am, specifically, using these poems to do a final drama project. And I must say, they certainly fit my current mood. How many times have we said, or heard, "Carpe Diem". But, really, what does that mean? to each person? I've found, through running my hands on the mundane objects of my world, that everything around is really fascinating. And I think, Even when it hurts, This is life. Total Living. I want every breathe I take to be full of the wonder and amazement that is living. Just that I have the blessing to be allowed to see the color red astounds me, and takes my breath away. That I can hear a single, pure, note, is bliss. That I may be allowed to prick my finger on a pin, is lavisch wealth. Whenever I taste something, another's breath, I am bestoed a fabulous gift. The scent of air is something I should be forced to fight for. Anyone read Thief of Time, by Terry Pratchett? Lady Jean's view of life is much like how I would like to. Or the head slug things in animorphs (the one book where the slug takes over Cassie, I think and describes how wonderful color is). Why is it that we seem to block this majesty out of our lives? True, if I stopped to examine every fascinating detail, I would never sleep, nor eat, nor talk. Perhaps it is simply the case that in this advanced world with so much leisure, we are evolving to omit the "brain-gate" which causes us to ignore 90% of the world around us. Perhaps I produce too much serotonin, resulting in a euphoric, "high" like effect. Perhaps I think too much. Or, on a stranger scale, perhaps I am the only one who truely exists, and such, the world would appear more lush to me, since I am the only one truely percieving it. (Plausible,and possible, but not probable)
Perhaps my philosophical nature is combining with the "Nightmare before Christmas"'s song, "what's this?" to produce a very strange observation.
Maybe I shouldn't have eaten so much damn sugar.
Ahh. Christmas.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Another movie Review

I'm a little behind, but I finally saw Madagascar the movie. It was cute, and even had a few scenes that made me snort with laughter, but I gotta say, they tripped. The potential in that movie that is screaming for a more adult feel! The monkeys had so much! I was hoping, but the few shots of them are brief, yet packed. The penguins, tho cute, are more like the type of people I meet everyday, but the monkeys were unusual and so contrary! "I hear Tom Wolf is giving a lecture." *brief flurry of sign language* "Of course we're going to fling poo at him!" Fabulous! and With the precious little sign I know, I'm farely sure he was actually signing, rather than just doing something that looked like it. Brilliant.
However, my favorite line, which will undoubtably be parroted daily is: "Nature! It's all over me! Get it off!"
I've finally achieved renting Devil's Reject's, which if I haven't mentioned before, is a strangly alluring film. There is something about the sheer force of the characters that draws you in. Perhaps it is because I'm a bit of a psychologist, and the image of that much psychotic issue is more tempting than an amusement park! But, perhaps it is due to the careful balance of justice and freedom in the end. *spoiler* On one hand when the officer is torturing them, you are assagued with a sense of justice. 'Ah-ha! They are recieving their come-uppance.' Yet when tiny pulls the officer off the blond girl, you don't feel cheated out of justice. It's just enough. Then you feel free to honor the spirit in their characters, it is almost as if they have atoned, or at least justice has been served. When they fly towards the roadblock in the convertable, it is with a sense of finality, but joy. A famous last stand, a blaze of glory. and so help me if I'm not a sucker for that.
I will say that I may only hold this view because I have yet to see the first one, perhaps it will change.
anyway, It's late. Night, all.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


Well, it's 9:30 in the evening, and I really should be asleep. I got tired, and could scarcly keep my eyes open. got into bed and -BAM- Wide awake. Not just wide awake, either, oh no. Wide awake with my body saying, "I feel like working out!" WTF? This summer has been really enlightening, and modifying. this time last year I was completly different. I feel now that I've actually developed some semblance of discipline.
Anyway, As good reading material for everyone, George Bernard Shaw's "The Arms and the Man" is terribly good. Amusing, short, and engaging. For music, I suggest Maria Dunn's "For a song". Both of these are uplifting and good for feeling... connected, I guess is the best way to put it.
I also wanted to through on a few things about friendship. I must confess that prior to these past two years, I really didn't have any idea what it meant. I have now come across so many good friends, that it really, now, means something to me. One in particular, my friend J, I'm not sure he's been mentioned, I shall forbear to gush on his good nature as I would black out the internet, but I've found in him a part of me which I didn't even know I was missing. The depth of affection I feel for him, I'm sure will never be equalled. I suggest that everyone find someone they feel %100 comfortable with. It's indescribably wonderful. For example, even tho I ranted to someone earlier in the day about a problem of mine, It didn't feel right until I ranted to J later on. Then, once I'd vented, It was just gone. I think that it is the case that I would, in fact, do anything for him. And, for me, that Is a huge thing.

One more thing, The riots in Paris. At first, thinking on them, mine were much like anyone's thoughts, "how terrible". But Lately I have been on a huge existentialist kick, so I began to think, "Really, what does this mean?" I was amazed to find that the prospect of complete societal chaos to be quite appealling. I don't mean to imply that Paris has found itself there, but that Is where my thoughts found themselves. Perhaps it is an over-romanticised notion, of a world in calamity, where people find honor, courage, true love, and a hard boiled egg. But I wonder if perhaps we have not gotten soft. This is an idea I've thrown in one of my earlier poems, the one about miserable at the end. It's been further provoked by an amusing pick-up line, "I'm offering you something better than freedom, my dear, I'm offering you freedom from freedom." and further refined by a book called "The joys of motherhood". I'm afriad I can't recall the author but if I find it I shall write it straightaway. In this age, no amount of unhappiness is to be tolerated any further than it must be. We live in an age of opulance and leisure. (speaking of course, of only the culture I live in, I can say precisly nothing of any other, and Indeed this doubtlessly proves false in many others) Perhaps it is simply because I would like to be elsewhere in the world, see other countries, learn what they know. Mayhap it is because I am so jaded from living in Canada, that I feel this way. There seems so little point to life, because it is no longer a challenge, a struggle. I devalue my own life because I never work for it. As Jhonny the homicidal maniac states, "Nothing puts the lust for life in a man like the fight for it." I think I am paraphrasing since I cannot recall it perfectly, but A winks as good as a nod, I suspect. Perhaps it could be said that the meaning of life Is to work for it. A conversation I had with a friend furthers this point. I stated the two paths I could travel; One, the life of a psychologist with a family, warm and easy, the other, the life of a solider, hard and crazed. He examined his own; The life of an english professeur with a family, the other, the life of a politico (I'm sure he's destined to lead a coup someday, maybe not in Canada, but somewhere, dammit). True, these lives we face are not exculsive, the safe one we may use as back-up , but really, Why bother? He stated, "I could live a happy family life" Or some such nonsense, and I wondered "would you really live?" Everyone knows the statement, "carpe diem" but how many truely know it? Live it, breathe it. Who lives what is really in their heart? Is it even possible to live it in this society? For example, a friend of mine should really don some armor and live the life of a knight, he'd be so suited to it, and would doubtlessly find true fulfillment. However, that's not possible in this world we live in. What of those who would be better suited to the 50's? There are so many prior worlds, how can we find complete self-realization?
What is really, in the hearts of man?
Is everyone contented in this newspaper, cereal, coffee morning world?
Am I the only one who goes crazy for struggle without disdain?
Am I setting myself up for a rude awakening when I join the military, if this is truly my reason for enlisting?
Am I ever to find a place?
Am I rambling?
Yes, I think so.

Monday, November 07, 2005


Last post was number 25, so I figured that was pertinant to mention. As well, I've discovered something else. I'm a misanthrope. This explains a few questions about my strange interactions with other people, and explains alot about my eclectic sexual tastes, and humor preferences. I think, perhaps, this is something that I should embrace about myself, however. I just wonder, what could this be cause by? My parents are wonderful, supportive, and stable (not completely faultless, but nothing that could possibly provoke this) Is it perhaps a chemical imbalance? Or some form of conditioning due to my neuroticism? Just a personality trait? Something that I'll grow out of because I'm just cranky right now? Lend me your thoughts all!
Oh, yes, one more thing: Jarhead. Awesome movie! AND it's a war movie with few disgusting bits! There are some burnt people, but it's not too bad. There aren't any juicy bits :P. If I'm not giving too much away, allow me to spout my favorite line, "Why are you in marine school?" "Got lost on my way to college staff sargent!" Then he smashes his head into a chalkboard.
Awesome. %100 awesome. But you have to like military things to like it. If you don't, don't even bother.