Wednesday, January 23, 2008

M.M.B.B. (or Miles and Miles of Bloody Blog)

So now whenever I enter Chapters, all the Terrys are sold out. With this in mind it is only a period of time before Hollywood catches the scent and the machine reconfigures itself to crank out some Discworld (new and improved!). I have to get in on this. The main problem being creating a solid plan to break into the biz. I found Drama class to be like, to borrow a phrase, "breathing glue"; I.e. Way too hard when you know there's a simpler way.
My plan so far is to just show up to a few auditions. This leads to the second problem.
There aren't a lot of roles in the Discworld series I'd be suited for. Since I'm an attention madame (Like a whore, but better at it.), I'd need a fairly main piece. My physical appearance is a limitation (so many damn blondes) but well, you know the saying; "If it sucks, throw CGI at it."
Thus my options:

Susan Sto Helit
Pros:
-Awesome costumes
-Badass Character

Cons:
-That hair would keep me in makeup round the clock
-Scar makeup
-delivering lines to a CGI skeleton 90% of the time

Agatha X Nitt
Pros:
-Good hair
-Arguably most awesome plot
-Chance to sing
-work alongside Greebo's Human form (Mee-yow!)

Cons:
-Fat suit
-Greebo likely to be Antonio Bandaras

Delphin Angua Von Uberwald
Pros
-Cool unifrom
-likely to be made into action figure
-two words: Carrot Ironfoundersson

Cons:
-Dog CGI not sexy
-Uberstrong first character = likely to be typecast (Pro or con?)

Maladict/a (something long)
Pros:
-So badass it hurts
-Already have coffee addiction
-Awesome teeth

Cons:
-threat from Veteran's from "overly realistic flashback portrayal"
-Known in Hollywood as a boy
-unconscious for most of climax

Lady Sybil vimes nee Ramkins
Pros:
-Aristocratic
-Jolly fun with swords and attacking people
-Work with Vimes & call Vetinari, "Havelock"

Cons:
-Again, fat suit
-No hair
-Almost eaten by Dragon AND Werewolves

Cheri Littlebottom
Pros:
-Cultural Revolutionary
-High-heeled combat boots
-CSI in olde times

Cons:
-Itchy beard
-CGI to look hobbity

Queen of the Elves
Pros:
-Fabulous slinky wardrobe
-Permanently summer scenes
-PRETTY UNICORN

Cons:
-Lose 60 lbs (skinny B!^@#)
-Lose in the end
-fight crazed axe-wielding bride

I have a few ideas on wellknown actors that could portray other characters:
Samuel Vimes - Hugh Laurie - looks the part and can ACT
Magrat Garlick - Joan Cusack - Seen School of Rock? Straightlaced to wacked. Yes!
Lord Havelock Vetinari - Alan Rickman - Looks good in a chinstrap and in harem pants
Nobby Nobbs - Robin Williams - Hairy enough to be mistaken for a werewolf

On a finishing note Heath Ledger was found dead in an apartment yesterday. This means two things:
1. Batman movie terror level up to orange
2. Brokeback mountain now 50% more accurate

Well, I'd love to stay but some of us have carpets to glue.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Interesting and very detailed planning however you accidentally placed "Antonio Bandaras" in the cons. Hello?
Also, "almost" being eaten by werewolves, etc. isn't the same as actually being eaten, etc. Besides, you know, CGI!
lol, mapa

Michelle Ernst said...

Antonio Bandaras is just one of those guys I've never really liked the look of. He's up there with Sylvester Stallone and Jean Claude van Damme.

Yuk.

You raise a good point about the werewolves.

Herrena said...

Hmm. I'm with you re Antonio Banderas - gimme Javier Bardem anytime. A couple of thoughts for your casting couch:
Brian Blessed for Guye von Uberwald (not much fake hair needed).
Leslie Grantham for Vimes (IknowIknowIknow, but he's got the face for it).
Miriam Margolies would be a perfect Nanny Ogg.
But - who could you cast as Carrot????
I'm off now to get a life . . .LOL!