So now whenever I enter Chapters, all the Terrys are sold out. With this in mind it is only a period of time before Hollywood catches the scent and the machine reconfigures itself to crank out some Discworld (new and improved!). I have to get in on this. The main problem being creating a solid plan to break into the biz. I found Drama class to be like, to borrow a phrase, "breathing glue"; I.e. Way too hard when you know there's a simpler way.
My plan so far is to just show up to a few auditions. This leads to the second problem.
There aren't a lot of roles in the Discworld series I'd be suited for. Since I'm an attention madame (Like a whore, but better at it.), I'd need a fairly main piece. My physical appearance is a limitation (so many damn blondes) but well, you know the saying; "If it sucks, throw CGI at it."
Thus my options:
Susan Sto Helit
-That hair would keep me in makeup round the clock
-delivering lines to a CGI skeleton 90% of the time
Agatha X Nitt
-Arguably most awesome plot
-Chance to sing
-work alongside Greebo's Human form (Mee-yow!)
-Greebo likely to be Antonio Bandaras
Delphin Angua Von Uberwald
-likely to be made into action figure
-two words: Carrot Ironfoundersson
-Dog CGI not sexy
-Uberstrong first character = likely to be typecast (Pro or con?)
Maladict/a (something long)
-So badass it hurts
-Already have coffee addiction
-threat from Veteran's from "overly realistic flashback portrayal"
-Known in Hollywood as a boy
-unconscious for most of climax
Lady Sybil vimes nee Ramkins
-Jolly fun with swords and attacking people
-Work with Vimes & call Vetinari, "Havelock"
-Again, fat suit
-Almost eaten by Dragon AND Werewolves
-High-heeled combat boots
-CSI in olde times
-CGI to look hobbity
Queen of the Elves
-Fabulous slinky wardrobe
-Permanently summer scenes
-Lose 60 lbs (skinny B!^@#)
-Lose in the end
-fight crazed axe-wielding bride
I have a few ideas on wellknown actors that could portray other characters:
Samuel Vimes - Hugh Laurie - looks the part and can ACT
Magrat Garlick - Joan Cusack - Seen School of Rock? Straightlaced to wacked. Yes!
Lord Havelock Vetinari - Alan Rickman - Looks good in a chinstrap and in harem pants
Nobby Nobbs - Robin Williams - Hairy enough to be mistaken for a werewolf
On a finishing note Heath Ledger was found dead in an apartment yesterday. This means two things:
1. Batman movie terror level up to orange
2. Brokeback mountain now 50% more accurate
Well, I'd love to stay but some of us have carpets to glue.