Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's Day: A Woman's Rebuttal

I started  my morning today with Yukon Jack's "My big yap" feature on the bear radio station. Well, this is a lie, I started it groggy-eyed and blearily staggering around the kitchen wishing I could convince my early-morning self to become my wakeful self in time to give rest-of self some coffee, but once I had achieved a state of traffic, I turned on the radio in time to hear Yukon Jack give his view on Valentine's day.

Last year I had the fortuitous timing in my job to be going for a half an hour drive every day exactly when his program would come on and I always loved it; I must confess, I almost always agreed with him. (Except when the whole Tiger Woods story broke and Yukon was insisting Tiger could not just say "No comment" because Yukon felt we all had a "right" to know what was going on, to which I screamed, "No we do not! It is his personal life, we should piss off!" but even then I could almost see where he was coming from, Tiger being a public role model and all.) But Yukon's Valentine rant, so typical around this time that sometimes I mouth along to the words, had me hopping up and down on my seat hollering, "You bastard!".

"It is a corporate plea for money!" They bleat, "They are abusing our notion of Love!" So what? Companies have press-ganged our notion of kindness and charity for Christmas, but we still focus on the meaning of Christmas, which is Jesus if you are religious, and togetherness if you are not (Or scotch-eggs. Whatever you want.). Even the fact that atheists have dissociated Christmas from its origins enough to celebrate it implies that it does not matter much where it came from, just what it means now.

"It makes men buy stuff for women! I don't need a day to be romantic!" Obviously you do! Do you honestly think that if you brought your lady flowers once a month and told her how beautiful she is (not just to get sex, FYI, and yes, we can tell when you are) constantly, do you genuinely believe she would balk at not having something that one specific day? "Of course she would!" the indignant male population choruses (In harmony), to which my reply is, "Why the hell are you dating someone so shallow then? You have only yourself to blame if you stick your balls in a bear-trap and it hurts" (This analogy falls apart because one is incapable of opening the bear-trap, whereas one certainly can get out of a bad romance).

"There is no day for men!" Holy flipping truffle pops, guys, we have no copyright on the day! If you want it, open your damn fool mouth and say, "Jeez sweetie, what are you getting me for Valentine's day?" Just like you whine that the ladies do. Then, perhaps, if you were both being appreciated in the fashion you like, you might look forward to the day.

Until  then, just shut your whining cake-hole.

Footnote: I feel it is relevant to point out that I did enjoy my Feast of St. Valentine; Victor and I went to the restaurant down the block, we had planned on dressing, but dressed comfortably instead, had steak and a bottle of red, then stumbled the half block home, and passed out watching hilarious British comedy. Idyllic. 


Anonymous said...

I beg to differ that "it doesn't matter where it came from" should include 'to me', because it sure matters to millions of people.

Miss Ernst said...

I am not quite sure what you are saying, but I think you are saying that it matters to you where holidays came from, to which I would say: if you do not like where it came from, don't celebrate it.
But celebrate or not, don't whine about how you don't like it and ruin my day.

Andy said...

I have never assumed that Valentine's was a strictly male to female thing. I consider it a mutual excuse to say "hey baby, I love you" as many times as possible with the occasion suddenly socially acceptable PDA added like deliciously bad for you but oh so damn tasty whipped topping.

Despite the fact that we won't be seeing each other today until well past time to do much of anything, I've spent the last half hour acting as a one woman cyclone to add a touch of organization to our abode and place heart shaped chocolates and engraved rocks on the newly found surfaces.

Half hour to make a gesture that I hope will make his day a little better and our romance a little sweeter. Sure, there will be dental bills, but to me, that's the meaning of Valentine's Day. The er . . . energized romance, not the dental bills. Dental bills just suck.

To say I expect that men make gestures while I sit back and snarf a box of chocolates is lazy. Equally lazy is a man saying he isn't going to be romantic because of those damn corporations, meanwhile playing xbox games that cost a month's worth of electricity.

And no, I'm not putting a price on romance. Romance doesn't have to cost much. Get some clearance sale roses, draw up a bath, put the petals in the bath and consider yourself her hero. Light up some tea lights or play relaxing music for some extra pizzaz. Done.

Sheesh, people can be such babies.

Anonymous said...

Yup, I agree with Andy. Who said Valentine's Day is just for men to give women presents? I've never felt that and always (well, I think i forgot one year) got a present for my sweetie.
lol, mapa