Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Interview fiction #2

Janet: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen! Today on the show we have Dr. Sievir Liebermun, author of the bestselling philosophy text "As the Heart Does". Since it's arrival on the literary scene in early 2013, this book has sold over 1 billion copies and is now available in 17 languages. It's simple message is so powerful, it has inspired history's fastest growing religion. Please help me welcome Dr. Liebermun!
Dr Liebermun: Thank you, Janet. It's good to be here.

J: Now, before we get to the real "heart" of you book, can you give us a quick idea of what inspired it?
Dr: Certainly, Diane. Around '92 I graduated from university and went to work at a desk job. I won't elaborate; suffice to say I had a lot of reading time.

J: I'm pretty sure we've all had jobs like that.
Dr: It was then that I decided to apply myself to reading religious and ethical philosophy texts. I aimed for a broad range; Eastern and western, fact and belief based, old and new. About halfway through I started to notice a trend, and by the end I had realized an incredible new theory.

J: Can you explain for the sake of our new viewers?
Dr: I noticed a trend that I like to call, "Moral Intuitivism". It states that we, as thinking and sensing human beings, subconsciously know what is right and good in every circumstance. It is our duty to quiet our minds and get in touch with our inner spiritual guide, so they can tell us the right path. It helps to think of it as a seperate person, inside you, always talking and advising. You must be quiet and still to hear them.

J: And that's where you got your meditiations from?
Dr: That's correct.

J: Can you give us a little sample? I'm feeling pretty frazzled today, and I think my audience is too [cheers]. Could you walk us through an "Inner Discussion"?
Dr: Alright.

J: Dim the lights please George! George the stage manager, everyone! [applause] Okay, when you're ready.
Dr: Close your eyes. Concentrate on your breath. Now imagine you sense, in front of you, a landscape. It can be whatever you want, flowers, the beach, mars, just so long as you fully realize it. Now you need to know it is there, really believe it. Okay, now open your inner eyes, the ones you know will see your land. When you see it, take a few steps with you inner feet, the ones you know will tred on your land. Once you have mastered walking, you must find your ethical guide. They should be somewhere in your land. If you believe they will be there, understand that to know is in and of itself proof. You will know because you know.
When you find your guide, greet them. They will treat you well. Afterwards, you may ask your question.

J: Incredible, Doctor!
Dr: Thank you.

J: Your philosophy also contains a medical version, is that correct?
Dr: That's correct.

J: Would you care to explain that as well?
Dr: Well, meditation will enable most people to touch their inner selves, but it is time consuming and tiresome. So what my clinic offers is a permanent solution that allows the moral being to eliminate background noise and cognitive confusion. It only takes a week, the effects are permanent and non-reversible, and our patients rate their quality of life as a perfect 10!

J: That's amazing, Doctor! We'll learn more about your life-changing philosophy after these messages.

[Gravy cola. Sheer decadence.]
[Emotion color-changing garmet. Wear your heart on your sleeve.]
[The Globe and Mail. News, when you are ready.]

J; And we're back! If you are just joining us I have Dr. Sievir Liebermun on the show, author of "As the Heart Does" Now, Dr. what's the theory behind your medical procedures?
Dr: You see, Diane, as I read further and further back in our history, it became apparent that we were more moral because then. Family values, and the dignity of life meant something these. The decline of morality is strongly correlated with the development of the frontal lobe. Acting on this theory I received a government grant and tested on my first subject, a white male, 24 years of age, named Fitb.

J: We are lucky to have Fitb on the show today, let's bring him out here!
F: Hello.
D: Good morning Fitb. How would you rate your quality of life since your surgery?
F: Me? Yah! I'm happy!
Dr: He's able to enter, live in really, a state of constant moral meditition, unhindered by higher thought. This man is the world's first perfectly moral being. There's no pain, no nasty scars, and best of all, no medication. It's all natural, causes weight loss and 63% of housewives report being more satified with their husbands.
J: Wel, that's all the time we have today, but if you want an appointment for a procedure, please check out Dr. Liebermun's feedsite. Once again, Thank you for being on the show today and tune in next week everyone when we have the pope on for a rebuttal. Have a great night!


Anonymous said...

Verrrry interesting! Disappointed that there wasn't more explanation though. We'll get that from the Pope?
lol, mapa

Michelle Ernst said...

Erm. I hadn't intended to ever write the Pope's interview. I kinda feel weird putting words in his mouth....

The idea I was trying to get across was that this "Dr." is giving people lobotomies cause then you won't "overthink" moral problems.

Drat. Missed message again. Seems the idea I was trying for in the other fiction one, about the guy in the cofffee shop?, wasn't very good either. I was trying for the idea that the reader would think it was a lady havig an affair with amarried man, then you judge her, and then you discover it's a solider on a mission, and hopefully feel something. : p Did that come across? Drat. I hope to be subtle, but I may be TOO subtle...